


Jane’s Cakes

by Volo



Series: An Indefinable Amount of Shades of Grey and Red (A collection of all of my Davekat fics) [7]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bakery, Fluff, Humanstuck, M/M, POV Outsider
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-05-30 05:21:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6410476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Volo/pseuds/Volo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What’s the cheesiest thing you sell, for, like, going, ‘hey dude, I have a huge crush on your everything’?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jane’s Cakes

**Author's Note:**

> This is pure fluff I wrote for 4/13.

Your name is Jane Crocker and you are the empress of a cozy little bakery which makes the best cakes this city has seen, if you do say so yourself. You would go on more about those cakes—in fact, you have proven you are capable of talking about cakes for quite a few hours more than once—but a young man just entered your shop.

You smile at the young man. “Hello and welcome to Jane’s Cakes – Life of Pie. How can I help you?”

He looks at the lovingly arranged display—or at least it looks like he might behind the coolkid shades he’s sporting. “Sup, the name’s Dave Strider. I think I want to order a cake. Or something equally cheesy. What’s the cheesiest thing you sell, for, like, going, ‘hey dude, I have a huge crush on your everything’? Or alternatively, what’s the gayest thing you sell?”

“I’m not sure anything we sell expresses that idea exactly.” You think for a moment. “We have heart shaped cakes and muffins? You could also order a cake with something written on it. In rainbow colors even. Something along the lines of ‘save a horse, ride me’ or ‘you better have a license because you’re driving me crazy’ or something like that.”

“You’re a girl after my own heart.”

You smile. “So what’s it gonna be?”

“Let’s go with a gay-ass rainbow heart-shaped monstrosity. Can you try to emulate a two-year-old’s handwriting?”

“If that’s what you want.” You eye Dave curiously. “What do you want me to write?” You pick up paper and a pen.

“All right! We’re doing this man, we’re making it happen.” He pauses. “That was a quote from a webcomic I write. You’ve probably never heard of it. It’s called Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. You know, in case you were curious. It’s the shit. Made from literal excrements. Not mine though.”

“Do you want me to write that on the cake?”

“Yes.”

You wait. As the skilled prankstress you fancy yourself to be you are tempted to do just that, but as somebody with an interest in seeing your shop flourish you decide to hold back your joker persona for the moment.

He amends, “Okay, no. Write, uh… okay, how about ‘roses are red, violets are blue, cake is sweet, and so are you’. And then, like, in parentheses beneath that ‘my rhymes are too’. Shit, I’m good. And could you put tiny gay hearts around the writing? We’re going all out here, no take-backsies, ride or die, we’re gonna sink with this homo ship or sail it on perfect waves into our ascension to gay heaven with angels singing glorious hallelujah in the background. Or, I guess, bi heaven since that’s where we belong, but whatever.”

“That won’t be a problem. Wouldn’t want to hinder your ascension into bi heaven.” You smile at him, trying to convey the same thing you’d normally use a “:B” emoji for. You ask Dave a few more things about the cake—he seems to really like cherry flavor—and then arrange for him to pick it up the next day.

You invite your bestest chum Roxy to help with the cake since “a gay-ass rainbow heart-shaped monstrosity” sounds like something Roxy would enjoy. You use an abundance of heart-shaped sprinkles of all colors and Roxy convinces you to use edible glitter. The result is definitely impressive if you do say so yourself.

When Dave comes into the shop the next day and you show him the cake, he utters the words, “Holy mother of everything dude-on-dude, this is a romantic abomination. I love it!”

He’s still staring at it and lovingly stroking the box it’s in, when one of your regular customers walks into your shop. You greet him with a smile, “Hello Karkat!”

Dave freezes.

Karkat sees him and stops in his tracks for a second. “Jane, hello. Dave, hey, what are you doing here?”

“You know. Just hanging out. Chilling. Cold as a freezer. With my pal, um, Jane here.”

“I’m pretty sure you’ve never been here before.”

“There’s something about bakeries that speeds up friendship. It’s science, you can look it up on Wikipedia. The cozier the better it works.” Dave tries to very slowly, subtly close the box on the counter, but apparently that only makes Karkat notice it. You are almost glad, since his completely unsubtle attempt had you itching to either help him or prank him.

“Did you buy something? What’s that? Why is there so much tension in this room, what the fuck?”

“Nah, nope, nothing here. Goodbye Karkat.”

“What, no, let me see!”

For about two seconds Dave gesticulates wildly with one hand, then appears to give up. He sighs and steps back from the box. “Go ahead. Do whatever. I’d rather try to stop Godzilla than Karkat Vantas when he thinks something’s fishy. And this shit’s so fishy it literally can’t survive without water. Watch my gang over here flopping around on land, calling for a merciful soul to put us back into the water. Don’t look at me like that, I can’t control the horsepoop that comes out of my mouth. You should know that by now.”

“I do, yeah.” One corner of Karkat's mouth curls up into a smile. “So what did you buy?” He steps up to the counter and peers into the box.

His first expression seems to be mild bewilderment.

Dave speaks up from behind him. “It’s a gift.” When Karkat looks at him with raised eyebrows, he clarifies, “You know. Something you give to another person for free. To make them happy. Or, I guess, sometimes gifts are just given because it’s the appropriate thing to do in a situation, not because you actually give a shit. Which is actually kind of weird. But this is not like that.” He wipes his probably sweaty hands on his thighs. “This is, like, as sincere as a totally sick dude can get, which appears to be pretty damn sincere.”

Karkat turns around to face him, an almost lost look on his face. “I didn’t know you were interested in anyone.”

“Um. I am.”

“Okay. Okay. Well. I am totally supportive of your life choices. Since we are so-called bros who are apparently in a bromance, as you like to say. You could have told me you were interested in someone. Who is this for?”

Dave stares at him.

His lips form words, but no sounds actually make it past them.

At this point it is obvious even to you what is going on, even though you are an uninvolved stranger. Karkat, however, just looks at Dave expectantly.

When it becomes apparent that Dave is not going to say anything, Karkat pulls his shoulders up, now obviously uncomfortable, and throws you a quick look. “I won’t fucking judge, just tell me. It’s not John, is it? Oh god, I know you’ve been hanging out with Tavros, but I didn’t think it was like that!”

“It’s not Tavros. Oh god, Karkat, do I really have to say it? This is a cruel and unusual form of torture.”

You lean forward. “Be quick, like ripping off a band-aid,” you suggest.

Dave sighs. “It’s you,” he blurts out.

Karkat’s eyes grow wide. “Oh.”

“Yeah, like bromance without the B. With the D instead, if you know what I mean. Only, like, I don’t just want to put the little Strider into the Vantass, or, you know, the other way around, or, Jesus, I mean, we could do all kinds of positions, but what I actually meant was, I don’t just want to do the sexy thing, but all kinds of things. We don’t have to do the sexy thing at all if you don’t want to.”

“Oh.” Karkat shuffles, but he’s smiling. “I would be interested in all kinds of things too.”

“Oh? Yeah, that’s, um, good. We can absolutely do all kinds of things. Whatever you want.”

They smile at each other and you can’t help but fondly regard them too.

Karkat admits, “For a minute I thought I’d have to support you through some kind of true love relationship with some other asshole since I figured you’d only buy a half-ironic cake for somebody you really like.”

“You’re right about that.”

They’re beaming at this point.

You say, “The cake is on the house.”

**Author's Note:**

> check out my davekat blog? http://davekat-love.tumblr.com/


End file.
